An application for the General Manager position from a fan (part 3)

Yo Melnyk.

I could go on and tell you about how better I am than these wrack GM candidates, but I thought I would just show you with my funky rhymes. So Melnyk, this is for you!

Kick it!

Straight outta Sunrise crazy blogger named Crooklyn Banks
Binghamton's popularity goes up and I get no thanks
That's got me pissed off
More than no Sens in the playoffs
And now here I am offering to the GM
Because that turtle-face Pierre is going sign Jacques Martin again
I'll fix the roster in a hurry
Bring back Cory Clouston just to piss off Bryan Murray
I'll fix the cap and make the Sens competitive
If the players don't like me, I'll trade'em to Edmonton
Getting Semin away from Washington won't be hard
And I'll piss Toronto by getting Marc Savard
Give them Milan Michalek and Chris Neil
Get Peter Chiarelli drunk and he'll make the deal
If they give me lip for players I'm trading
I'll swap Tuukka Rask for Chris Mason
Bettman can't do nothing cause the sales go up
Going make the Senators win the Stanley Cup
I got the best prospects in the entire league
Jared Cowen and David Rundblad gonna start a siege
Cause we gonna win weekly, monthly and yearly
Winning the President's Cup is going to be easy
Unlike Murray I'm not down with N-T-C
But Fisher's contract isn't a huge problem with me
Cause of how hard he shoots the puck
And you see his fist coming you better duck
As I leave, Dave Tallon's going cry
Cause when I come back, Eugene, I'm comin straight outta Sunrise

[Me] Pierre McGuire?
[PM] Whassup?
[Me] Where did you come from?

Straight outta Englewood, comes the host Inside the Glass
When a GM spot opens, I'm there like the Flash
People hate me cause the comments I made
But I'm not the one who made the Phil Kessel trade
Work with NBC listening to Mike Milbury
Every time he talks crap, I bring up Tim Connolly
Before all this I was a was a player, coach, and scout
I know more about this team than typical Toronto Sun mouse
I called Daniel Alfredsson a monster, and Heatley too
But when it comes down to it, Jason Spezza needs to shoot
Everyday I broadcast in the front row
Where I try to forget that I work for the Mitch Melnick show
If you gave me a chance I'll do this job stylin'
I'd been to the World Juniors I know Jared Cowen
I saw Robin Lehner and heard his comment
He's a monster too and he's gonna be dominant
On draft day when I get pick
I'll draft Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and it'll be sick
Now I need a right-hand man to do the filler
And it sure heck isn't going to be Gord Miller
When I run this team, defense is going to be law
M-c-G spells McG, and I'm raw
When win the Cup, I'm gonna be chillin
Cause them apologies is going make me a killin
Straight outta Englewood...

[Ron Wilson] Burke is his name and the boy is comin...

...straight outta Anaheim
Is a brotha in a hurry
After I drafted Nazem Kadri everything else is blurry
My defense raises hell
But offense can't make bail
But I don't really care, that's the problem
Every time I see Phil Kessel I don't dodge him
But I'm smart, lay low, creep a while
And when I see the media pass, I smile
To me it's kinda funny, I may not have the picks
But Hockey's Future has my team in the top six
They say I won the cup in Anaheim off the back of Murray
But his teams always get knocked out of the playoffs in a hurry
I'm ruthless! Never see my trades like a shadow in the dark
Except when I unload my future without hesitation
And hear the scream of everyone in Toronto
They don't share my vision and I'm out pronto
But leave a memory no one'll be forgettin
Of Tyler Seguin wearing Bruins Gearin
You think I give a damn about a pick? I ain't a sucker!
This is the autobiography of the Burke, and if you ever hire me
You'll get taken by a Phaneuf and his Mohawk gee
straight outta Anaheim

Not everyone can afford to pay for sports coverage right now, and that is why we will keep as much of the site's content free for as long as we can.

But if you are able to, please consider subscribing to help keep our articles free (and get a few extra perks).

Erik Condra
  • Ability to comment and participate in our community
  • Twice monthly newsletter available only to subscribers
  • Ad-free reading
  • Our undying love and appreciation
Brady Tkachuk
  • Everything from the Erik Condra tier
  • 10% discount on all merch
  • Access to any future paywalled content
  • A personal thank-you from the Silver Seven staff
Daniel Alfredsson
  • Everything from the Brady Tkachuk tier
  • Inner peace knowing you are supporting quality, independent coverage of your favourite sports team