To whom it may concern,
Re: Ottawa Senators Head Coaching Position
On December 8th, 2015, I was upset that then-head coach Dave Cameron had demoted Mike Hoffman to the third line against the Florida Panthers when the score was tied late in the third period. When asked about the criticism of many fans after the game, Cameron replied, "This job will be available again. Apply for it." I have taken these words to heart, and it's why I've decided to submit my application for the position of Head Coach of the Ottawa Senators now that it is available.
I trust you will find my experience is quite impressive. I have played more than 10 seasons of Be A GM on NHL 14, a game in which coaching decisions are nearly as important as GM decisions. I chose appropriate line combinations, correct call-ups, and a solid goaltending rotation, leading the St. Louis Blues to six consecutive Stanley Cups. Now I realize that video games are not the same as real life, which is why I believe I should only be the head coach. Being a coach/GM would be far too much work, especially as my first professional hockey job. Don't worry Mr. Dorion (can I call you Pierre?), I'm not gunning for your job.
Some of the criteria I've seen listed for the new coach include communication skills, someone who holds up-tempo practices, accountability to the media, and a strong relationship with management. I am a great communicator - I have been communicating basically since I learned to talk. I believe I have excellent English diction, and my French is functional
in case I'm ever looking for a job with the Canadiens. I could definitely hold strong practices. I've never led a hockey practice myself, but as someone who can skate (forwards), I assume it won't be hard. I'll just make the players work harder than me. I can be accountable to the media. I've been running a series interviewing members of the media this year, and I think it would be fine if the roles were reversed. I would love to develop a strong relationship with management, but I think the onus is at least as much on management as on me. Relationships are a two-way street, Pierre.
I hope my hockey background is also to your liking. I've played two semesters of intramural hockey at the University of Waterloo, the first at the Beginner level and the second at the Intermediate level. I even scored a goal in Intermediate, demonstrating my ability to improve as I gain familiarity with a task. I believe "having played the game" will increase my perceived credentials with players and media alike. I currently manage SB Nation's Ottawa Senators site, Silver Seven Sens, and as such I spend a lot of time watching the Sens. My observation has led to me developing a number of opinions on the team, many of which I've shared as hot takes on my Twitter account. I believe I have made strong contributions to the all-important community known as the Sens Twitterverse.
My immediate plan as coach of the Sens is simple. If selected, I plan to implement a five-point plan for next season: allow fewer shots, have a higher save percentage, allow the first goal less often, have better special teams, and win more games. I'm not unreasonable by pretending I will win the Stanley Cup the first year - that's my plan for my third year with the team. If the team commits to playing better hockey than their opponents, I think we can win a bunch of games.
I trust you share my confidence in myself and my vision for the team. Also, Mark Borowiecki won't be an assistant captain nor a first-line winger under me. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. Please note that I will be sharing this application as an open letter online, and if there is any reply from the team, I will most likely share this online as well.
I look forward to your response, and wish you well with the entire application process.
Managing Editor, SilverSevenSens.com