FanPost

Rangers Hating 101

Editor's note: Our friend Kevin Sellanthamby from Hell on Ice and In Lou We Trust provides us with some good insight on Ottawa's first round opponent.

Since you guys aren't too familiar with hating the Rangers seeing as 1) The Sens and Rangers haven't really had much of a rivalry and 2) Peter asked me oh so kindly, I'm willing to give you tips on how to hate the Rangers. As a Devils fan, I'm not too particularly fond of them. And here's your first lesson on hating the Rangers.

They Employed Sean Avery

You know how you hate Zenon Konopka for being useless right? Just imagine if Konopka didn't have basic hockey skills, the ability to take faceoffs and wasn't willing to fight actual tough guys because he was too scared to fight them. You get Sean Avery- a terrible hockey player who is only relevant because he made one weak joke that somehow stuck. The fact that he's one of the Rangers most notable players is somewhat sad. Rangers fans legitimately think he could've been like 30 goal scorer David Clarkson, who unlike Avery actually worked pretty hard to achieve that goal (also, a bit of luck here and there helped). I mean, Avery sucks at hockey. He had like one good season. He might not be playing because he's "retiring", AKA avoiding the humiliation of not getting signed by an NHL, KHL, SEL, AHL or ECHL team, but his scumminess taints the Rangers forever.

They Employed Sean Avery... Again

So after he got suspended for being mad about then Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf (who wasn't a Leaf, important point) dating his ex-girlfriend, the Stars suspended him, which would've meant that we would never see his ugly face in the league again. Until the Rangers decided he deserved a second chance. It wasn't bad enough that they employed him once and let him sign elsewhere. THEY GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. Luckily, he sucks at hockey so it didn't really work out.

They Are America's Answer to the Leafs

You guys hate the Leafs, right? You know how the Leafs haven't won a cup in 4 decades right? You know how they have the longest playoff drought, right? Well, the Rangers are just like the Leafs... except possibly more pathetic. They currently hold the record for the longest cup drought with 54 years- which is 9 more years than the Leafs current drought. In 76 years of existence, the Rangers have a grand total of... 4 Stanley Cups. The Red Wings won 4 stanley cups in 11 years. If it wasn't for the Rangers acquiring a good majority of the Oilers dynasty and winning the cup in 94, their drought of playoff mediocrity would make the Leafs current drought look not nearly as bad. They refer to franchises who have been more successful than they have as "pathetic" just to cover up for how their franchise was the short bus kid of the original six.

Henrik Lundqvist- Best in the Regular Season

Rangers fans don't understand that to be great, you need to win in the playoffs. And Henrik Lundqvist can't win in the playoffs. Noted playoff "choker" Roberto Luongo has been deeper into the playoffs than Lundqvist has. Oh, and Lundqvist started his career on actual playoff teams, not the Panthers. So in essence, he's a bigger playoff choker than Roberto Luongo.

Also, HE'S NOT SEXY. He looks like the guy on a box of "Just for Men" (one of my friends said that after seeing a picture of Lundqvist). I mean, models for products that deal with your hair losing color are /sarc soooooo sexy /endsarc.

Douche Factor

If there's one thing I hated about 24/7, it was having to watch the Rangers. I can live with the Flyers- I might hate them, but man is Scott Hartnell entertaining. The Rangers have some of the biggest tools in the league. Lundqvist is overrated. Brandon Dubinsky, better known as the guy who's scared of Ryan Carter, headlines their group. I mean, it's one thing to be scared of Ryan Carter (which in itself is hilarious, because Ryan Carter isn't intimidating and it allowed Cam Janssen to shoot this WWE-style promo where he called out Dubinsky), but it's another thing to let someone else fight for you and later throw a cheap shot (on Anton Volchenkov of all people, what a dick). Ryan Callahan has a halo tied around his head- mainly because despite being the so called "good guy", he's just as bad as the rest of them. Brandon Prust, Brian Boyle, Mike Rupp and Stu Bickel are all dirtbags. In general, they're scummy as hell and have absolutely no redeeming qualities about them. Also, Marc Staal is ugly.

John Tortorella

The biggest reason to hate the Rangers? The pompous ass clown behind their bench, and the biggest tool in the NHL- John Tortorella (note- you can't spell Tortorella without "Tool"). If you look up hypocrite in the dictionary, you can see a picture of him. He verbally abuses the refs for not giving him "calls", despite the fact that the refs let a lot of stuff slip. He calls out the Penguins for being a "dirty" team, when he employs similar goon tactics. He has a problem with Peter DeBoer starting goons and instead of doing the smart thing and sending out his skill forwards, who can obviously score on those scrubs, sends out his goon squad to start a line brawl when he did the same thing against the Devils at the rock. For Tortorella, anything is okay if it benefits the Rangers. If it means giving Jason Spezza a two hander to the leg or chop blocking Erik Karlsson and shredding his knee, it's okay. But if Chris Neil gets away with interference on Anton Stralman, you're going to have a 10 minute tirade about how "The NHL loves the Ottawa Senators" and how the Senators are a "disgrace to hockey' despite the fact that the Sens play a skill game which doesn't rely on cheapshots and headhunting. He thinks he can do no wrong. But when you're intentionally trying to hurt people to gain an advantage, you're not allowed to claim the moral high ground. And that's what makes him so bad.

Of course, feel free to add in your thoughts. These are some of the biggest reasons why you should hate the Rangers. Hopefully you guys learn how to hate the Blue, Red and White menace (no, not the Habs. The Rangers). Oh, and good luck to the Sens. I really want to see them win this series.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Silver Seven community, and does not necessarily reflect the beliefs or opinions of the site managers, editors, or Sports Blogs Nation, Inc.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Silver Seven

You must be a member of Silver Seven to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Silver Seven. You should read them.

Join Silver Seven

You must be a member of Silver Seven to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Silver Seven. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker