I guess asking those interested European teams to wait until late September would be a bit much, but if all else fails, he could join me at the open Islanders tryouts

That if Ottawa’s own Peter Raaymakers, rather than Orleans resident, Spezzal Team Playa, had posted this, it would not contain such amateur phrasing as “suit up as our 14th forward”.

On the other hand, guys typically do wear a suit when sitting in the press box, as evidenced by this shot of Winchester resident, Matt Carkner:

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Or more commonly, by Long Sault’s Jesse Winchester:

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[Okay, maybe Long Sault is a bit of a stretch for calling someone my homeboy …. y’know, in the strictest sense of the word …. but until we trade for Ottawa native, Marc Savard, it was the best I could do. Plus, I got all caught up in the Winchester angle and couldn’t let go]

[Ed. Note: Does anyone else find it odd that Spezzal Teams Playa would write far more words and provide infinitely more images simply to further a joke, than he bothered to include in the original Shean Donovan blurb, to begin with? Yeah, me too]

Now all we need to do is get the Peterborough people on board and Mike Fisher becomes another hometown boy.

Everyone would agree that places like Russell and Embrun are part of Ottawa. Hell, they’re within 5km of the city limits.Even places like St. Albert and Crysler are considered prt of the city and they’re only 10km from Embrun. So yeah, Cornwall and Long Sault are only 25-30km south of Crysler, so they are totally Ottawa-adjacent.

If not for the fact that everybody knows Cornwall’s mayor and his fireman son, it’d hardly be considered it’s own destination, despite it’s status as Eastern Ontario’s number two city (Kingston, not withstanding).

Cornwall rocks and Long Sault mellows like no other beach town in the region.

If I were to check the archives, you know I’d find the following FanShots written by a certain someone:

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Phoenix native, John Burton, retires from Elmira Jackals

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After growing up in Phoenix, David Spina looks to crack Coyotes roster

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Wickedly named Gilbert, AZ resident, Dusty Collins, re-signs with Manitoba Moose

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Paradise Valley’s own Bryan Esner to leave Gwinett Gladiators

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Of course I could be misinterpreting your accusation, in which case you would have been besmirching the good name of SheanDon. If that is the case, then you know we goa throw down, boi.

I mean, you’ll be driving along Somerset and over the bridge and all of a sudden, BAM! You’re on Wellington (which is no longer the same Wellington that turns into Ottawa River Parkway on one end, and Rideau at the other end, before becoming Montreal Road, then St. Jospeh, then Queen, then Old Montreal).

[catches breath]

I digress. So you’re on Somerset/Wellington and you decide to cross Island Park Drive (which is possibly the most unfortunately named street in town, due to the fact that 95% of it is nowhere near an island or a park).

I digress. So you’ve followed Somerset until it renames itself Wellington, then cross Island Park and find yourself on Richmond Road, yet you haven’t made any turns yet. Weird, but okay.

So you come across the biggest highway in town and cross under it, so you know what comes next, right?

That’s right, the name stays Richmond. Huh, strange. But surely when you cross the second biggest highway, the 416, the city planners would then require one of their patented name changes, right? No? Well fuck me. I guess they finally figured out that if you keep driving in a striaght line, there’s no need to change the name.

So a block after the 416, it would only be logical to now change the name to Robertson Road, y’know, since there’s not even a friggin’ intersection there.

[bangs head against steering wheel, repeatedly]

So fine, now you’re on Robertson, everything’s cool, you go west for about two blocks and come to a light. What’s that street sign say the name of this intersection is? Richmond Road is now 90 degrees to your left? Aaaaacccck!

Finally, as you approach the town of Richmond and cross over Eagleson Road, the only logical thing to do is to rename the street Perth Street, right? I mean, the road doesn’t lead into the town of Perth, and in fact it changes names again a km later, to Franktown Road, and it’s not even like the village called Franktown calls their road by that name. They call it Richmond Road, again, so why the fuck not, eh?

Oh, and a km south of the Franktown Cemetary, a new road juts out of a T-section, heading west, and that new road is also called Perth Road. On the bright side, this road actually does lead into the town of Perth. On the flipside, the road changes names to Concession Road 10 seevral kilometeres before it gets there.

So I guess you can figure out what one of my many pet peeves are about Ottawa city planning. Go ahead, name a town or a village or a street and I’ll show you why it is totally necessary to change the name of the street 25 times at completely arbitrary locations. I could go on all night.

Good luck, Sir Donovan.